Sara, one of my clients, is a very self-confident woman that doesn’t have a trace of jealousy in her blood. She used to feel that there was nothing wrong with talking to exes. In fact, she even “allowed” her husband to carry on a friendship with his ex-girlfriend, Lesley, who he originally met in college.
One day Sara and Joseph (her hubby) got into a tiny dispute. Nothing major, but they both felt a little angry with each other for a while.
It just so happened that Joseph had already planned to meet with Lesley that day. During lunch, Joseph discussed what had happened earlier that day with Sara. He had all the good intentions in the world, and wanted a “friend’s” advice on how to best fix his relationship with his wife.
At first, Lesley was very sympathetic, and expressed how sorry she was to hear that he had trouble with Sara. Then came a complete surprise for Joseph. Lesley told him that she wanted him to know that she was always waiting and available for him in case things didn’t work out with his relationship with Sara.
Good thing that Sara and Joseph did indeed have a strong relationship, and that they were always open and honest with each other.
Joseph told Sara everything that Lesley had told him. Sara thanked him for being so honest and, that even though she completely trusted him, that she did NOT trust Lesley. They decided together that it was best for their relationship to no longer talk to exes.
Sara and Joseph made an excellent decision. Relationship experts who have worked with literally thousands of couples, such as Dr. Willard Harley, highly recommend that neither partner have contact with their exes because it can jeopardize their relationship.
Emotional confusion, false hope, jealousy and insecurities may arise as a result of having contact with an ex. There are, of course, some exceptions depending on the situation. For example, where there is a rare genuine friendship, or in relationships that produced children, where it is often necessary for exes to talk.
However, healthy limits should be set, and the communication between exes should be held to minimum. Make sure not to confuse being friendly with each other as being close friends. There is a big difference.
Many times a person’s EGO motivates them to try to stay a part of their ex-partner’s life. Deep down, he or she still wants to know that they were once important in their ex’s life, and they still feel satisfaction holding onto that fact.
An ex might also be trying to “keep the memories alive” or “one day get back together” even though the relationship has ended, because they have not completely healed from the breakup.
In order to build and nurture trust, couples need to live in the PRESENT MOMENT. An ex is someone from the past, so why put time and energy into something or someone that could take away from your present? Isn’t it a much better idea to think about, talk to, and spend time with your current partner?
I’d love to hear from you. Would you feel comfortable if your partner talked to an ex?
Sorry, comments are closed for this post.