One of the advantages of being a parent today is that many of the rigid and strict rules in regards to raising children – 
beliefs and practices most of our parents carried out on us when we were growing up – are losing their influence.
Before, parents firmly believed that the stricter they were, the more respect and authority they would have over their children, who needed a firm hand to guide them through childhood. Parents believed that their opinions were the only ones that should be taken into account. That proved, after all, the way their parents raised them.
This emphasis on strict discipline usually worked on raising well-disciplined and well-behaved children, but this type of family behavior did not, unfortunately, allow children to express their thoughts and feelings. No wonder why so many youngsters continue to grow up lacking adequate self-confidence.
In my case, for example, I wasn’t even aware that I experienced various types of feelings like: anger, fear, guilt, sadness, happiness, inner peace, pride, hope, etc. All I know was that I felt either “well” or “bad.” Sometimes I might share my thoughts with a friend, but NEVER with a family member; especially my parents.
Thank goodness that, as time passed and I had a daughter of my own, a lot of new developments in Positive Psychology have surfaced to help parents like me learn to implement more integrated strategies to raising children and forming a unified family, where everyone – no matter their age – feels loved, appreciated, listened to, and understood.
One of these strategies that we have implemented in our house since my daughter was only nine, relates to weekly family meetings.
At first she was not at all enthused to participate. She claimed – and still complains more than two years later – that family meetings are “super boring.”
In reality, however, it is clear that she enjoys participating, especially when it’s her turn to express her ideas and opinions. In fact, she actually runs the meetings from start to finish. Imagine the sense of power she feels when she is control of a meeting!(self-confidence booster!).
Below are only some of the feelings she has learned to express in our family meetings:
1) How she likes – and doesn’t like – to be treated. For example, she learned to express how she wants us to use an extremely kind tone of voice when we ask her to do something.
2) The things she likes to do and go like: family vacations, after-school classes, special family projects, etc.
3) Her feelings in regards to daily school interactions that bring her joy and sadness such as: good grades, meeting new friends, conflicts, confusion, etc.
4) Which chores she prefers. For example, through family meetings, she negotiated peacefully that she will set and clear the table instead of having to wash the dreaded dishes.
5) Ideas of how to plan yummy “kid’s meals” that we adults will approve of…
Why You Should Start Holding Family Meetings
Family meetings help children:
- build self-confidence – children discover that their feelings and opinions are important
- build trust among their parents
- learn to communicate more efficiently and effectively
- listen to and respect the opinions and feelings of other family members
- develop vital leadership and relationship skills
- develop strong communicative skills
Starting Family Meetings in Your Home
You can start holding fabulous family meetings in your home today. Gather all your family members and express that you would like to start getting together regularly (weekly is preferred) to have family meetings that will help everyone get along better by learning to express each other’s feelings and ideas.
Then follow a similar plan as detailed below:
- Set a day and time to hold the family meetings – try to stick to the scheduled day/time, but don’t worry if something comes like an illness, school play, an important school project. Simply reschedule the meeting for the next convenient date.
- Assign one of your children to conduct the family reunion. Rotate children so that they all feel important and get the experience.
- Follow the meeting in steps:
1) Complements and Appreciation
Each person takes turns telling each family member something that they appreciate about them.
(EX) “I want to complement Jack Jr. for helping me finish my science project.”
2) Evaluation of Past Solutions
Discuss the results of any idea that was implemented by the family from the last meeting. The first meeting should deal with brainstorming areas that will help the family.
3) Agenda Items*:
a) Share feelings
b) Bring up an item for discussion
c) Brainstorm solutions
* Any family member can chose any of the three areas discussed in a-b-c.
4) Calendar
This is an opportunity to discuss special family events ranging from simple plans for the upcoming weekend to an extended summer vacation. Planning upcoming events is very important because it helps families gain structure, which will result in more fun together.
Time to Take Action NOW!
Now you have the basic structure to run your first family meeting. Your main assignment is to make sure that family meetings become a regular part of your family’s life. This will help your children, other family members, and yourself to develop a strong sense of self-confidence.
Family meetings will also help your family learn to love, respect, and appreciate each other, which will lead to a stronger sense of unity, peace, and connection.
As always, I want to hear from you! Leave a comment below if you’d like to share other ideas on how to strengthen your children’s self-esteem.
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