If you have just went through a divorce, you probably agree that it was one of the most difficult and painful experiences of your life. After all, when you got married, you were most likely filled with hope that your relationship would last a lifetime but, for some reason, it didn’t turn out anything as expected.
And even though you knew that you had to make the decision to separate for the better sake of you and your family, the truth is that a divorce is almost always a painful end that involves drastic changes for everyone.
What changes occur in your life after divorce?
- Your identity
- Your address
- Your responsibilities
- Your routine
- Your social status (among friends, work, business, etc.)
- Your legal status
My divorce proved to hit me like a hurricane; destroying everything that had been my life for the past nine years!
Suddenly, I faced handling everything completely on my own, and although I tried to be strong in order to move ahead in life, the truth is that I experienced various moments when I felt as if I were as fragile as crystal. I felt drained emotionally and physically, and for the first time I experienced anxiety and panic attacks. It reached a point where I got sick due to everything that was occurring in my life.
I did not know what to do in those times. I didn’t know who to turn to. My family and friends kept telling me: “Don’t worry! You can do it! Everything will turn out well”, but I kept thinking: “How will I ever move on when I feel like this?”
Well, that proved to be a very tough period for me, and now that I have gotten over all the pain and have rebuilt a new, wonderful life, I want to share three (3) important tips that will help you adapting to your new life:
1. Accept the grieving process:
Getting a divorce is a painful experience, and you will experience a variety of intense emotional periods that fluctuate throughout the healing process. It’s “normal” to feel down at times, so don’t try to stay strong all the time.
If you don’t feel well emotionally, don’t try to repress your feelings. Almost nobody wants to feel sad, angry, fearful, or guilty but, if you want your emotional stability to return quickly, the best way to heal is to allow your negative emotions to flow.
Please do not think that I am advising you to feel bad all day, but it is important to allow yourself some moments to express your feelings. Cry, unload your burden on a trusted friend, and even write all your painful feelings in a diary. Then distract yourself by keeping yourself busy doing something that makes you feel good again.
In time, you will start to notice that your negative feelings will begin to lose intensity, and a new period of hope and peace will take over.
2. Ask for help:
Please, never think: “I don’t want to bother others with my burden.” Wouldn’t you want to help a family member and/or trusted friend in their time of need? Family and friends are blessings. Turn to them with confidence, and remember: “Today is my turn. I will be there for them when they need me.”
Spiritual guidance is also highly recommended. Asking for help through prayer, opens a door of hope and confidence that someone or something else is watching out for you, and that you will completely recuperate from this difficult time soon.
Finally, do not hesitate to seek professional help if you:
- feel sad and depressed all the time
- can’t sleep
- can’t concentrate at work
- are physically present with your children, but your mind is trapped and submerged in a constant state of sadness.
Therapy and/or coaching can help you get out of this painful experience of your life much faster. The time and money you spend will be well worth your health and sanity. Have no doubt that if you feel great, so will your children and everyone else in your life.
3. Wait a while before getting involved in another relationship:
Many people “jump” into another relationship way too soon in hopes of finding a partner that will meet their needs in a way their exes didn’t. What a mistake!
After a breakup, you probably have a lot of pain to heal, and many things to reflect on. If you don’t give yourself enough time, you will not have enough time to accept and learn from all the changes in your life. After experiencing such a painful experience, you should allow yourself ample time to grow and to adapt to a new life. If not, you will deny such growth, and most likely end up going through even more pain.
Another person is not the solution to your problems and loneliness. If you allow yourself the chance to grow and heal, however, you will see that “getting to know” and relying on yourself first will end any desperation to start a new relationship too quickly. If you wait until you are completely ready to go out with someone, you will be more careful to choose the person that truly shares all your values and that meets all your requirements you seek in a partner. Waiting, thus, will be a wise investment in finding the life-lasting relationship that you’ve always wanted.
If you had a recent divorce, share with me, how are you doing so far?
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